The most “treasured” time for my son.

3 Aug

In 9 years of being a full time stay at home mum to 3 boys, the only time I have ever had away from my kids, was whilst I was in hospital giving birth. So it’s fair to say that I was close to breaking point. I have 3 boys aged 8, 6 and 2 and they’re full of energy, full of spirit and a handful!!!

I decided to take a break and take myself off to London for the weekend, to be a tourist and do some sightseeing. My husband was happy enough to watch the boys and so I booked my hotel and was all set to go and enjoy some “me” time and some peace and quiet. The weekend would be a world away from nappy changing, lugging the buggy everywhere and the general motherhood madness that was slowly driving me insane.

“what do you mean you are going away? My 8 year old asked me a few days before I was due to leave. “can I come?” he asked me.

The question was totally innocent and yet for me brought home a whole lot of truths that had somehow got lost in the mix of children, home and the daily stresses of life. Here was my 8 year old son asking me if he could come with me on my weekend away. But what he was really saying was “mummy can I have some time alone with you, away from this mayhem, just us?”. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that my 8 year old had only really spent just under 3 years alone with me, then his younger brother was born, followed 2 years ago by another brother. Slowly, slowly his time alone with me had dwindled to virtually nothing. Long gone were the days out we used to have, just the 2 of us, running about in the park, going to the zoo, watching a cartoon together.

Now our time alone together was very rare, but was usually spent doing his homework, having a chat whilst I was doing chores or asking him to watch his brothers for me, whilst I made dinner. Since his brothers came along, we would always do things together as a family, but we hardly ever did anything “just us”. The realisation of what our relationship had become hit me so violently, that I felt sick and wracked with guilt. How could I have thought that time together would be enough, obviously my son wanted individual time with me, he deserved individual time with me, but I hadn’t been giving it. I had got so caught up with looking after the baby and his younger brother, household chores and the numerous afterschool clubs they participated in, that I had forgotten what was really important to him…. Spending time with me.

“of course you can come, that’s a brilliant idea” I said to my son and I truly meant it. He excitedly packed a few clothes and off we went on our adventure to London, just the 2 of us.

The whole weekend was amazing, we walked around London, visiting The Tower of London and saw the Crown Jewels. We visited Tower Bridge and walked over the glass walkway and despite both of us being scared of heights, we both climbed to the top of St Pauls Cathedral. As we stood at the top of the Golden Gallery looking out over London, my son turned to me and said “mummy we made it”, yes we did, I thought to myself, we made it in more ways than one. We talked more than we had in ages, we talked about everything, we laughed, laughed so hard we were in pain. Gone were the usual stresses of the other 2 boys, of one of us trying to get a word in and being talked over. My son could ask for a hug and not be pushed out of the way by the other boys vying for my attention. Finally it was just me and him and he loved it, loved having me all to himself and I loved being with him too, very much. I had the time to appreciate him for what he had become, a very polite, well behaved, well mannered young man. During one of our chats, I told him I was sorry for never having the time to spend with him on his own, and if I had someone to watch the boys for an hour, I would dedicate that hour to him, but that I was alone and I was doing the best I could. He told me not to worry and that he understood I was doing my best and he knew I loved him. What he said next would stay with me forever, he said “mum thank you for letting me come with you, the memories we have made this weekend will be in my heart forever. I love you”. I sobbed into his hair as I hugged him so tightly, I cried out of guilt at having forgotten my sons are all individuals and at joy at having a son so wonderful, with a heart so forgiving and so loving.

After an amazing weekend, we headed home and my son was crying, “what’s wrong?” I asked, “I have to go back to being last” he cried. “no, you’ll never be last” I said and I meant it, somehow I would find a way to give my boys the individual attention they need, the time they need, he never chose to be the big brother and shoulder all the responsibilities I was giving him, he never chose to have 2 younger siblings, that was all our doing, mine and my husbands, so he shouldn’t be made to pay for our choices.

“So where do you want to go next time”? I said and I meant it, they were all individuals and deserved to be treated as such. The world is a big place, meant for exploring and who better to explore it with, than with my beautiful sons, individually, one at a time of course.

© Mummyhoodmadness and WordPress, 2012 to 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

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Don’t judge a book by its cover……or a mum by her appearance.

2 May

It was a Sunday evening and another weekend was coming to an end, it had been a really eventful one, spent with my family and unlike weekdays it seemed to rush by. Everyone was heading off to bed and the house was quietening down, now in the silence, I was beginning to get that familiar unsettling feeling, that awful pain in the pit of my stomach knowing that tomorrow I would have to go back to school. The thought of walking through the school gates filled me with absolute dread, seeing the same group of people congregated in a huddle, whispering and sniggering and staring as I walked by. The more it happened, the more I dreaded the school days and going to school. The thing is I am not actually a pupil at the school, I am a parent of children that go to the school. I am a mum doing the school run.

When I look back, I think that I was very naive to assume that once I had left school, the gossiping and the nastiness would stop. But why would it? The kids that were the sniggering children when I was at school, are now the sniggering mums. So it continues even when you are a mum of school children. Every morning, as I drop my kids off in the playground, I notice the group of mums all huddled around having their daily gossip, showing off their glad-rags and looking down their noses at the passing mums who do not fit into their “elite” group. Seriously people, who are you to judge?

So what, if I drop my kids off wearing a comfy top, jeans and trainers, with my messenger bag thrown over my shoulder. But I guess that’s not good enough for you, not only do i not fit into your elite circle of friends, i do not even warrant a simple “good morning”. I could sit here and justify the fact that I can’t run after a toddler in heels and that a designer bag would be pointless, when the contents resemble those carried by Mary Poppins, spare clothes, nappies, sippy cup and snacks. But why should I? I shouldn’t have to justify myself to anyone, least of all other mums. Ultimately, I don’t care. You do not know me, or my story, you have no right to criticise me, undermine me or pass judgement.

Dear mummy clique, ask yourselves, what message are you passing on to your children? Children absorb more than you realise and will imitate and copy what they see and hear. So, when you are gossiping about that outfit that you say “was thrown on at the last minute” why not stop and think for a minute, that it probably means a rough night, drifting off in the early hours and scrambling to get dressed in whatever could be found, so as not to make the children late for school. The “unbrushed hair” probably means being last to get ready and thinking more about getting the kids fed before school, than worrying about appearances. Not everything is black and white, there is enough pressure on mums as it is, take a step back and remember that nothing ever stays the same. Great! So at the moment, your child sleeps at night, so you have a whole morning to prepare your “outfit” and style your hair, but that may not always be the case. One day, YOU may be the one turning up at the school gates all disheveled and out of breath, as your morning went horribly wrong. But trust me, I won’t judge because I am happy with my life, I am comfortable in my own skin and I am not jealous or envious of anyone. I have no need to take someone else down to feel important or worthy. Ask yourself, can you say the same??

© Mummyhoodmadness and WordPress, 2012 to 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

“Mummy what do you want to be when you grow up?”

1 May

“Mummy what do you want to be when you grow up?”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” My 5 year old turned to me and said, “mummy what do you want to be when you grow up?” He was looking up at me in complete wonder. “Oh!! A it’s too late for me now, I’m already grown up”. “Oh that’s a shame mummy, so when did you become a grown up?”

His comment totally caught me unaware, Wait a minute when did that happen? I mean, when did I actually “grow up”? Is it a particular point in time when you suddenly become “grown up” or is it a gradual thing that happens without you even being aware of it? Whenever it happened, I had totally missed it, life had totally swept me along, without me realising that time was actually passing. Here I was a 40 year old mum, and sure I went to university, and yes I had a financial career, and now here I was with 3 kids that I had been raising for nearly 10 years, so did that mean I’m an adult? Am I a “grown up”? If I am, what does that mean? Does that mean that I can no longer do all the fun stuff that kids do?, can I no longer be silly and scoot down the road with my son’s?, do I have to be serious, mature and “be a grown up”? Is my own life over now and I have to be 100% dedicated to my boys and my husband, forgetting about myself? Or is being an adult actually an extension of being a child?, you don’t change you are still the same person you have just evolved over time.

The question my son asked “What do I want to be when I grow up?” As innocently as it was asked, filled me with so much hope. Does that mean there is still the possibility of me achieving the personal goals I’ve always dreamed of??? It’s not too late after all? I had got so caught up in raising my boys that my wants, needs and dreams were put on hold, so much so, that now I can’t even clearly remember what my dreams were anymore. I stopped being “me” a long time ago and I had become the mother, the wife, the home maker, the everything else in between, that I was no longer me Maria.

“Mummy, mummy?” My son’s voice brought me out of my trance like state, which saw me drifting off into a different world. “So? What do you want to be when you grow up Mummy?” He asked again. “There’s lots of things I want to be and do sweetheart, thank you for reminding me that I can still do them”

It took the question of a 5 year old to remind me that despite being a mum and a wife, I was still me and I still had my own hopes and dreams. Something that over the course of time, through having to take care of everyone else before myself, had gotten buried and left behind. I think i need to consciously remind myself, that no matter where life takes me, despite the fact I am a mum and a wife, I am still ME, the same little girl i always was, with hopes and dreams and it is never too late to realise them.

© Mummyhoodmadness and WordPress, 2012 to 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Since when does the tooth fairy bring a certificate with her gold coin???

27 Apr

So a few weeks ago my middle sons first tooth fell out, so before he went to bed, we carefully put it in a small pot under his pillow. My son was all excited that the tooth fairy was coming during the night. So before I went to bed, being the good mummy that I thought I was, I carefully removed the tooth from the pot and replaced it with a gold coin. The next morning, a disappointed A comes in and says the tooth fairy hadn’t been. Apparently now the tooth fairy brings coins and a certificate for the tooth that fell out. Certificate ???? I mean since when??? So it was a total epic mummy fail, let’s forget the nice shiny £2 coin my son had in his tiny little hand, let’s focus on the missing piece of paper the “tooth fairy” had forgotten. So there I am standing in front of a tearful little 5 year old asking myself; 1) how did he know about this tooth certificate? 2) why didn’t he decide to tell me me about it, before now? 3) when did the age old traditions we knew as children, change for us mums? 4) am i ever going to feel like I’m getting some of this motherhood stuff right?

© Mummyhoodmadness and WordPress, 2012 to 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

My 2 musketeers have now become 3 muskateers. 

20 Nov

It has been a few years since I have published anything and it is because I have had another baby and it’s and other boy. So my 2 muskateers have become 3 muskateers and now it a whole new ball game. As soon as I have 5 minutes to catch my breath. I will be back with my blog.

© Mummyhoodmadness and WordPress, 2012 to 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Passing it on. My Liebster nominations

26 Nov

It’s my turn to pass on some nominations for the Liebster Award. It hasn’t been easy choosing which blogs to give them to, which is why its taken me so long, but i have finally chosen. So, here are my 3 nominations for the Liebster Award.

All about Benjamin – The story of Benjamin, who was born at 23 weeks and 3 days gestation on February 7th, 2011 – weighing in at 1 lbs, 12 oz. A blog about an amazing little boy which charts his progress and applauds his achievements. Such an inspirational blog. Reading this blog makes me want to give Benjamin a huge cuddle. Wonderful blog.

Cooking with baby – Tasty recipes for baby and also the family, sometimes its hard to know what to cook for dinner and this blog has some great ideas and all recipes have pictures, great for me as i like knowing what the end result should look like..

Stircrazytoddler – A mum of two’s mission to try something new every day to keep her children entertained. She has given me some great ideas and its nice to know that i’m not the only mum with children that have cabin fever.

If you’re unfamiliar with the rules of the Liebster Award nomination (and you choose to accept, which is totally up you), you can find them here.

Here are my 10 questions for you:

1) What made you start blogging?
2) Best childhood memory?
3) Favourite place in the world?
4) Summer sun or Winter wonderland?
5) First thought that came into your head when you woke up this morning?
6) Popcorn, sweet or salty?
7) Predictable or spontaneous?
8) Worst subject at school?
9) First thing you would buy or do if you won the lottery?
10) Personal ambition you have?

Here are the award badges to choose from.

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Well done and i look forward to reading your answers.
© Mummyhoodmadness and WordPress, 2012 to 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

A Liebster Award!!!!!! Wow how exciting. I’ve never won anything!!!!

10 Nov

I can’t believe i have been nominated for a Liebster Award, i have never won anything in my life, (well except a pack of spaghetti in the school raffle, about 20 years ago, but that doesn’t count). How exciting, i’m so flattered. Thank you very much. Adventuresinjedi for nominating me. You have made my day and given me the confidence to keep writing.

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As i found out from Dida (who nominated me) The Libester award is given to relatively new blogs with less than 300 followers as a way of making them more well known to other bloggers.

Here are the rules for the acceptance of the award (which i do accept, whilst jumping up and down in excitement and clapping my hands madly!!!!)

1) Visit and thank the blogger who nominated you,
2) Acknowledge that blogger on your blog and link back,
3) Answer the 10 questions posed by the blogger who nominated you,
4 ) Select 3 – 5 bloggers for the award,
5) Pose 10 new questions to the new nominees,
6) Post the award on your blog,

So the questions i got from Dida:

What do you think makes a good blog?
I like a blog that makes me laugh and i love reading about other peoples experiences, other peoples lives that are so different from mine. Its easy to get caught up in your own life that you forget everyones life is different and everyone has a story to tell.

What made you start blogging?
Life has been a bit of a rollercoaster, without even having time to catch my breath and so i have decided to write it all down and make sense of it all. I also hoped to link with other people who have had similar experiences and compare notes. Also mummyhood can be really lonely at times and i wanted to be a little more sociable.

Cat person or dog person?
Dog person definately, especially love the guide dogs that are so obedient (more obedient than my sons) and allow blind people to have a slightly easier and normal life. I donate all my old postage stamps to the charity that helps train guide dogs for the blind.

If you could change anything, anything at all, with the world as it is, what would it be and why?
I would even out the rich/poor divide, the rich are too rich and the poor are too heartbreakingly poor. I feel the rich should give something back and help those less fortunate.

What’s your favourite thing?
Hearing my boys laugh and seeing their smiling faces, makes my little world a happier place.

Popcorn and snack eating in the cinema, yay or nay?
Should say nay, but when i walk in to the cinema and i can smell the popcorn, i can’t help myself and i go buy a bag.

What, if anything, do you wish someone had told you about life when you were young?
That when something goes wrong, or doesn’t go your way, not to despair, there is always a bigger picture and someone has a plan for you,

Best book you’ve read?
A Crack in Forever by Jeannie Brewer, addictive, sad and very beautiful. I read it about 15 years ago and it’s still on my bookcase as i can’t bear to part with it.

If you could be the best at something what would it be?
I would love to speak lots of languages fluently, and be able to strike up a conversation wherever i went in the world.

What’s your favourite recipe to cook? (And please do share it.)
Brazil nut and pear, chocolate brownies, too many calories to mention, but so so yummy when served warm with vanilla ice-cream. (recipe to follow in seperate post)

Here are the award badges to choose from

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So i guess i need to pass the award on and ask my own questions, it will take a while, as i am still recovering from the shock of being nominated and also i want to choose my blogs carefully. So will keep you posted.

THANKS AGAIN, SO VERY MUCH !!!!!!
xxx
© Mummyhoodmadness and WordPress, 2012 to 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

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